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Full Moon Behind Trees · Between2Waves archive · creator/date not recorded
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The following excerpts are drawn from two essays published by Matthewmatosis in early 2021, when they paused their decade-long video commentary career to begin work as a solo game designer and developer.
Hello everyone,
Sometimes people ask how much longer the channel will run and I always estimate another year or two, after which I would presumably feel comfortable quitting. It took me a while to see the contradiction there, I ALWAYS estimate another year or two. By the time those two years are up, I have another two years worth of ideas I want to pursue.
My estimate will be two years forever.
If it turns out that criticism is my calling in life, I can live with that. It certainly seems like the place where most of my skills intersect. Right now, I don't think I could be as good at anything else which makes it a daunting prospect to try.
Regardless, I have other aspirations which I've neglected so far and they're nagging at me.
I heard about a study which said something along these lines:
If you tell people you're going to do something, your brain releases the same chemicals as actually accomplishing the thing you said you would do. I don't know if it's true but it sounds about right to me and it's easy to see how that would be terrible for motivation.
Granted, I have thought about quitting before...
So there's a decent likelihood things will be back to normal in a month or two. There's all sorts of reasons for or against continuing, not least of which is that I still have two years of ideas - good ones - that I'd be sad not to see finished.
In an ideal world I would do the same thing when making a game. I'd simply vanish from the public eye only to reappear years later with something ready to reveal.
This isn't an ideal world though.
While I never managed to output as many videos as I would've liked, I think this attitude has been something which worked in my favour.
I want to make a game and I have a simple problem which has prevented me from doing so: I need time but I don't have enough money to buy that time...
Since I'd rather make a game under less than ideal conditions than never make one at all, I've decided to pull the trigger now.
Whatever happens next, I'll still be around so don't worry too much. I'm taking a break and assessing my options. Hope you're all well and have a great new year.
Regards,
Matthew
Context: Matthewmatosis is a formative auteur in the creative medium of video-gaming reviews & conceptual criticisms.
His video-game video essays on youtube throughout the 2010s & 2020s were the basis for formats of a variety of video game based video commentary styles, including: long form video game commentary/criticisms; chronological critical review essays of video game series; play-along retrospective commentaries of video game series; & video essays around conceptual ideas of video game mechanics (see 'meta' & 'mega' microvideo commentaries).
